We are often asked to set an intention at the beginning of our asana practice. It's a simple idea to come back to, a reminder of how or why we are practicing. I'd imagine we often chose something that we need in our lives off the mat, and so we chose to practice it on our mat. At the invitation to set an intention in a Vinyasa class the other day, my mind's immediate response was the word "honor" and it got me thinking (yes, I know I shouldn't be thinking while I practice) about my relationship to my body, my practice and the concept of honor.

Honor has a myriad of definitions including: to regard with great respect or esteem, to fulfill an obligation or agreement, or to be a privilege.

We step onto our mats with the balance of using our bodies to experience the privilege of the practice and respecting our bodies in the practice. Dance the asana and listen to the response. The Body is both the humble, doting servant and the grateful Queen. The relationship must be fair and balanced.

Then I see another antiquated definition for honor: a woman's chastity, virginity, purity, modesty...

Finding that balance has always felt difficult. How does a woman use her body to fulfill the gifts it affords her, the enjoyment, while also having dignity and respect, especially when honor has historically meant maintaining an untainted and pure body? It makes me think of the Macarena lyrics: Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena, porque tu cuerpo es pa darle alegria cosas buenas/ Give your body joy, Macarena, because your body is meant for giving joy and good things.

I've never quite figured that one out. The dance of using my body to give/receive Joy and remain "honorable" by society's standards seem to clash. So, I suppose my practice is to show up on my mat with the intention of repeatedly exercising myself in a way that honours my body. To find the balance of using it for Joy and pleasure, but still respectfully being with it in order to honor it. To stay engaged and present enough to be conscious with every experience.

How do you practice honoring your body, on or off the mat?

On a lighter note, the crisp weather has encouraged me to start baking and cooking again. Inspired by the rosemary in Yoga Home's community garden plot, I baked these gems for a potluck at Orion Freeman's house concert. Honor your body with some tasty snacks!

Rosemary Lemon Biscuits (Vegan & Sugarfree)

Yield: about 24 biscuits

2 cups flour (I suggest spelt, but use whatever you want)
1 1/2 Tbs baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 Tbs finely chopped fresh rosemary (or more!)
1 cup non-dairy milk
1 Tbs apple cider vinegar
6 Tbs vegan butter (Earth Balance)
1-2 drops of rosemary and lemon essential oils OR
1/2 tsp lemon zest + more rosemary

1. Preheat oven to 450F. In a small bowl, mix ACV and milk. Let it sit.
2. In a larger mixing bowl, mix flour, baking powder, salt, rosemary (and lemon zest if you aren't using oils). Combine and then slowly mix in the vegan butter with a fork. Don't overmix! The butter clumps should break down to be about the size of peas.
3. Add the wet mixture to the dry and stir until combined, but don't kill it. Keep it fluffy!
4. Using a lightly floured surface, portion out 1 Tbs blobs and pat them into loose 1ish inch Biscuits. Place on parchment paper on a cookie sheet. They won't expand. Brush the tops with melted vegan butter or coconut oil. Bake for 10-15 minutes or until the tops are golden brown and then enjoy them fresh!

I have a uterine fibroid twice the size of my uterus. It’s a tough, fibrous, non-cancerous tumor sensitive to estrogen and progesterone growing between my uterus and fallopian tube. Fibroids in and of themselves are common among women of childbearing years, but not many have fibroids that grow to the size of a small grapefruit.

I’ve started writing this 7 times, each slightly different. What do I want to say? I’m frustrated with Western medicine. I’m angry that I went to the ER for a diagnosis and they never mentioned what could have caused this enlarged fibroid (though I am grateful for the diagnosis and modern medical imaging). I’m angry that the common “solutions” include hysterectomies, destroying uterine lining, hormone treatment similar to sparking early menopause, and surgeries to kill the fibroid. Western medicine fails to acknowledge that the fibroid isn’t the “problem”, it’s a gracious warning sign that something else is out of balance. It’s my body’s way of alerting me to a deeper issue that needs to be dealt with. Western medicine would have me treat this occurrence only to leave the root issues unresolved and forcing my body to continue sending out its “are you paying attention yet?!” signs.

Physiologically, the cause is a hormone imbalance. My body is processing too much estrogen, either because it’s producing too much or I am taking in too much through my diet. The true solution is to find balance here. Simply getting rid of the fibroid would be like removing the “collapsed road” signs and continuing to drive along. I can do it for awhile, but somewhere down the road I will have to stop. In fact, the imbalance had already manifested in ways like abdominal bloating, water retention, weight gain, and cramps that I’ve shrugged off as minor annoyances. Intense pain was the only way to stop me long enough to actually look at the root of the problem.

Four years ago I read Love, Medicine, & Miracles by Dr. Bernie Siegel. Drawing from a clinical background, Dr. Siegel discusses self-healing and how our physiological illnesses and diseases are actually dis-eases of the soul and the emotional body. We repress something, hate something, or neglect something, and it shows up as a physical manifestation demanding our immediate attention. After reading that book, I had no doubt that I’d one day end up with some medical issue impacting the parts of my body that made me a woman. I grew up absolutely loathing my womaness – periods, the anatomy, wearing a bra, the expectations to not have hair in certain places. When my mom gave me “the talk”, I begged her to make me a boy.

My misunderstanding of the gifts of being a woman and an overall lack of love for my body continued to create unhealthy conditions as I got older. Through my late teens and early 20s I found myself in bad sexual situations, feeling betrayed by both my own body and boys I had trusted. I felt powerless and continued to hate my female anatomy for the trouble it seemed to bring me. I wanted my vagina to be lined with teeth, my uterus to disappear. Is it any surprise that after hating being a girl for half my life, my body reacted? My self-loathing attacked my uterus, the part of my body that is undeniably female.

It was only after my recent trip abroad that I made conscious efforts to embrace it – to be proud of being a woman, a creator, a Goddess in all the ways the divine feminine wanted me to embrace. I’ve experimented with allowance for tenderness, sensuality, sweetness, and confidence. Maybe the fibroid, essentially a muscle mass, is actually my feminine flexing super hard after being repressed for so many years?

Life isn’t always gentle with its messages, but sometimes that’s because the whispers went unheard and I need a blaring siren to alert me that something is askew. As I’m learning, this is another necessary lesson. It’s time to mean it when I say I am going to LOVE and care for myself, especially the parts I’ve historically disrespected. It’s time to accept a bloated belly and weight gain and love my body just the same. It’s time to find balance in being a woman. It’s time to focus on the cause of the issue, to understand it’s emotional and physiological roots, and heal those places rather than accepting a band-aid to make the outside temporarily feel better.
 
I’m going to heal this, but I’m starting at the root of it. I know you want to know what I’m going to DO, so to ease your worried minds: 1) 100% whole food plant-based diet (vegan) 2) acupuncture 3) DIM estrogen balancing supplement 4) emotional healing work for some old wounds 5) spending time with everyday Goddesses who are examples of embracing the feminine 6) loving my body even when it seems to be hurting me

What I need from you: 1) share your concern, but then talk to me about something other than how I’m feeling 2) don’t try to convince me that my fertility should be a priority, trust me when I say I do not intend to have children, ever 3) share your personal fibroid stories and solutions  4) have patience with making plans as some days are good and some are rough
 
In love and eternal healing for all,
G

My first mini-retreat was a success! Last weekend I led 9 other women through a weekend of camping, hiking, and getting comfy in nature up at Worthington State Forest along the scenic Delaware Water Gap. As I checked the weather forecast in the week leading up to our outdoor adventure, my anxiety grew as it showed thunderstorms and rain. I opted to focus on what I could control instead of spending my time trying to change the potential weather. With that, I spent 2 days passionately prepping and cooking food.

Beyond this being a maiden voyage in leading retreats, it was also my first time cooking gluten-free. I wanted to make the entire experience easeful and welcoming for every woman joining me, so our menu was vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, and soy-free. Guess what? It was friggin delicious.

I was never much of a cook. Being in the kitchen made me nervous and rattled my confidence. I was scared to be creative and quite frankly, became easily frustrated with the planning and process of preparing a meal.

When presented with the challenge to prepare meals for 10 women while camping in the woods with only a single burner stovetop to cook on, I faced my fear and lack of confidence and dove in. I wanted our food to represent my values and to show these women how grateful I was for them joining me.

Turns out cooking with love (and a healthy dose of research), can really pay off. I faced my fears, and ate them, too!

Don't take my word for it though. Check out this flattering write up by Nicole Fiamingo, a Philly area gluten-free blogger who attended my retreat!  Women's Weekend in the Woods by GF Flamingo. Keep your eyes peeled for an Autumn Women's Weekend in the Woods!


This recipe was an absolute hit! Inspired by Meg Towsend during the 21 Day Ayurvedic Cleanse I participated in this Spring, this variation of kitchari satiates all six tastes, especially the sweet tooth!

Sweet Kitchari
 
½ cup basmati rice
½ cup mung bean dal (or lentils/split peas)
1 zucchini, chopped
1 large celery stalk, chopped
1 large carrot, chopped
1 sweet potato (small cubes)
1/3 cup hulled pumpkin seeds
2/3 cup milk (almond, soy, coconut)
1.5ish Tbs ghee, coconut oil, or Nature’s Balance
1 Tbs Bragg’s Amino Acids
Splash lemon juice
¼ cup maple syrup
 
Churna Spice Mix (about ½ to 1 tsp each): fennel, fenugreek, cardamom, cumin, coriander, ginger, turmeric, clove, cinnamon, asafetida, mustard seeds, pinch of cayenne

1. Soak the rice and dal for about 2-3 hours prior to cooking. Strain the soak water and set aside.
2. Heat a bit of ghee or your oil in a large pot with about a 1 Tbs of the spice mixture to release their flavor. Add the uncooked rice and dal and coat with the spiced oil mixture stirring constantly. When they have all been coated and look slightly toasted, add 3 cups of water, including the soak water. Bring to a boil. If you are using sweet potato, add the cubes here. Add a pinch of salt, reduce to simmer and cover.
3. In a separate saucepan, heat about 1 Tbs ghee and spices and pumpkin seeds. Saute until the seeds turn light brown, stirring constantly. Add Bragg’s Amino Acids and stir for about 30 seconds. Add milk, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cook on medium for about 3 minutes. Add the celery, carrots, and zucchini and simmer on low for 15-20 minutes until veggies are tender.
4. When the rice/dal mixture is cooked, add the sauce mixture to the pot and combine.
5. Adjust flavor accordingly. Consider adding more cinnamon and maple syrup for sweet flavors (maybe a handful of raisins, too!) and cayenne pepper or siracha for spice.

Spring and Fall are my favorite seasons. Even their names are indicative of why I love them: the movement and transformation. The colors are intoxicating and stop me in my tracks over and over. Yet, both seasons are such a time of grasping for me. I'm enraptured by the blooms and want them to stay forever, perpetually bursting with life. That's not how it works though. As with all things, we must honor the life/death/life cycle. The growth of spring isn't only in watching it burst open, but also in learning to love it while it's here and embrace the transformation as it shifts into the next phase, the next season of life.

In Buddhism, cherry blossoms symbolize the transience of life: a tragically short, but brilliant and necessary blossoming forth, and a reminder that life is fleeting. By now we know that Spring won't last. The blooms will transition to green and the flowers will fall back to the dirt. We are asked to witness and revel in her beauty, live fully and appreciatively, and then let her go softly as her time to die arrives. It all just leads to the next phase of LIFE.

The cycles of nature teach us about ourselves. We are not so different from the trees, but we can learn from their generous giving and their quietly letting go. Can we bloom to our most beautiful selves and understand that our budding open means we absolutely must transition to the next phase of our journey, even if it isn't characterized by a soft and delicate flower, but instead by the sharp fire of transformation? It's all growth and it all must happen just as it does. When we flow with these cycles, the suffering diminishes.

We will explore our relationship to the wisdom of Mother Nature this June at the Women's Weekend in the Woods, a yoga and camping exploration for women looking to empower themselves and gracefully blossom into the next phase of their beautiful lives.

Join us?

I've always been a big fan of "fake it 'til you make it" mentality. To me, it's the epitome of putting fear aside, even for a little while, and allowing the Universe to swoop in and work her magic. It's acting as though you already have that thing you want, like you are already excelling at that new skill, or embracing the glowing qualities of the person you want to be.

Maybe I've already quoted Paolo Coehlo's The Alchemist 87 times on this blog, but it's for good reason: "When you want something, all the Universe conspires to help you achieve it." Back when I started to allow myself to get lost in my dreams of traveling, quitting my office job, and leading a life of meaningful service, I would write and talk about it as though that's where I already was. I have old journal entries about how "I never once regretted my decision to quit my job". I've written out descriptions of my Prince Charming (he's still on his way). Right before I left Bali, I was drawing up my new home, work schedule, and collaborations with people who inspire me.

One of my biggest fears of traveling solo, and one I've heard from many others, is feeling lonely due to social anxiety. It's stopping ourselves from trying to connect due to a false belief that we are unworthy or incapable and will be turned down. This fear pops up with public speaking, dating, interviews, and in so many other places. We allow our anxiety to present itself and steer us, while we watch from behind, small and scared. What if in these moments we put on a show of being big, empowered, and capable? Terrifying, right? But I bet you'd start to feel bigger, empowered, and capable...

So often, we limit ourselves by standing behind our fear. Our deepest aspirations are held off by the excuses our anxiety provides. We let our self-doubt and criticism dictate how far ahead we can move, how close we can come to our dreams and goals. What if you just pretended? If you allowed yourself 30 minutes to dream without limitations? Try it...then from that place, start acting as though you were already there. Put yourself where you want to be, even if it's only mentally/emotionally at first, and then let the world around you shift to support you.  (Disclaimer: please don't not show up for work because you "fake quit" or buy a Porsche because you "won the lottery", etc).

If you want a tangible example of how this works, try a Laughter Yoga class. The theory behind Laughter Yoga is that the body is positively changed by the effects of fake laughter just as much as by real laughter. Ultimately, you actually have those benefits like increased energy, released endorphins, less stress. You've faked it and made it!

Fear is the mask that's holding you back, but beneath that you are capable, confident, enough, and ready. Even if it feels unnatural for now, go ahead and try that mask on for a while.

One month has flown by! The first week stateside was quite an adjustment, especially getting over the fact that a lunch out cost my entire day's budget in Bali or India, but things have gone surprisingly smooth. I've had the luxury of time, seeing as there was no job waiting for me and no real obligations to rush back to. In fact, I hadn't even made the commitment to stay in Philly until the day I was boarding a plane from Bali.

Within a week and a half of being back, I'd been offered six steady yoga classes (organized in a totally awesome dreamworld schedule nonetheless). Feeling welcomed, I began my search for a place to live in Philly. While I slept on friends' couches and in spare rooms, I was scouring craigslist and Zillow for my new home. Despite the diligent research and extending a very flexible schedule to prospective landlords, nothing was sticking. I spun my wheels and had to wonder "Am I really supposed to stay here?". It wasn't until I basically threw my hands up in the air in surrender that opportunity came knocking - and I mean it came to me within hours and by no effort of my own. A lovely room in a perfect house in the neighborhood I love with passionate housemates. After I visited, I completely stopped looking into other places. I neatly tucked all my eggs into that basket and sat back. You'd think I'd learned my lesson about asking the Universe for signs, but I put it out there that if this room didn't pan out, I'd take that as a message to pack my bags and leave again.

Coming back to Philly and postponing more travel was a hard decision. I have a community I love, connections I want to nurture, and a diverse neighborhood actively fighting for the most pressing issues of the recent times. I opted to stay put because I want to grow my roots. I want to feel grounded, stable, and like I have a strong foundation from which I can build up all my biggest dreams. I want a homebase that I can serve from. In the first few days of my return I was so desperately seeking those things that it was like jamming a shovel into concrete and expecting it to give way to my force. Until I surrendered, asked the Universe and Grace to assist me, I was fighting so much that I couldn't receive.

There's certainly times where proactive grounding are necessary, but I'd venture to say that just as often we can simply open ourselves to the support and stability this Earth naturally provides for us. We can push our feet into the ground, but she will unwaveringly rise up to hold us anyway. Unless you've learned to levitate (teach me?), you're foundation will always be there. Our practice both on and off the mat is to find that delicate balance between proactivity and receptivity. To embody the difference between rooting our hands and feet in Downward Facing Dog and receiving the holding of the ground as we melt into Savasana.

By the way, after nearly 3 weeks of waiting, I got the room. Philly, looks like you're stuck with me for at least a bit longer :)

Where you can you soften and receive a bit more? Can you distinguish the times when it will best serve you to release control and surrender to the support of the Universe, the Earth, and Grace? Here's to you taking a well deserved break and allowing yourself to receive all the beautiful things you've got coming for you.

Some days are filled with hikes, hot springs, picnics, and motorbike rides, and those days are amazing. But other days call for reading, writing, people watching and a whole lot of doing nothing productive. Those days are good, too.

The last time I was in Thailand in 2014, we had a 2 night stop in the big city of Bangkok. It was near the end of the trip and i was sick (something I'm quite good at while traveling) and I gave myself permission to spend an entire day walking through the mega malls and seeing Interstellar at the super posh movie theatre. A totally unexotic and unproductive day. It felt right and it felt good.

Now I'm a month away from going back to the USA, where I get to start my life over from scratch, and I'm feeling the familiar pangs of anxiety start to set in. All of the sudden I've regressed into a state of mind where sitting with books and aimlessly walking have become a waste of time due to their lack of results. It's as though someone will judge me when I'm questioned "What did you do?" at the end of the day. But it's only me, I'm the only critic.

Being gone for 5 months is a vacation, no matter how I spin it. Sure, there were challenges and I did do some work, but in general I've had no responsibilities and have had total control over how my days will look. Now that I need to figure out what to do when I get home (and where home will be), I've started putting the pressure on myself to prove that this time hasn't been all luxury and relaxation. My inner critic is a relentlessly harsh tyrant.

So, here's to a little more kindness, patience and acceptance. Here's to being grateful for what I've done (and haven't done) and being convinced that I deserved every moment of it. Here's to saying I can live the good life and not owe anyone for it.

I am going to sit here in this cafe in the park and read some Jack Kerouac. Then I will go to the dentist, and after that I have no idea what will happen. Whatever it is, it's perfectly alright.

There was a specific sunset on a specific day at Belmar Beach about 15 years ago that I felt myself melt for the first time. Ever since then I've searched for the WORD to describe the feeling, because it became a familiar sensation from there on. Some language must have it.


It's the feeling of a fiery sunset as it quickly moves from an explosion of orange through a slow fade of pink to eventual dusk that gives way to night's first stars. It's autumn with her earthy yellows, reds, and oranges hanging on to branches before they fall to the ground for winter. Conversely, the soft and colourful buds and blooms of spring that must, absolutely must, wither to allow the newest green growth.


Fleeting. That's part of the enigmatic word/feeling. These things are all fleeting and temporary.


This WORD approaches these things we admire so much and borders an obsessed desire to want to have them forever, nearly be them. We see a magic so divine that every part of our being becomes enthralled and we can't help but to want to possess it. Yet we know this is no more possible than prolonging these moments. It's entirely impossible no matter how you spin it. These moments will always be fleeting, temporary and never yours to have for keeps.


This appreciation, this deeply seeing something for all that it is, without the need to make it mine, that is what this WORD means. The release of any desperate need to try making it last for even a second longer than the moment it was meant to be, THAT is the understanding.


So I think to myself, "There must be a word for this, and when I find it the word probably means the same thing as Love..."


Love, that's what it is. The feeling of a sunset, of changing seasons, of beautiful moments of seeing and being seen.




Life is no more permanent than the collection of fleeting moments it's made up of. The practice is to drink in all the beauty, grace and pure magic of those moments/people/experiences without grasping them. Allowing them to pass along so we don't tear and ruin their gentle and sacred beauty. The recent magic of my world has been a long battled embracing of this, an acceptance of the fact that all things are temporary, from the most beautiful to the most terrible. This doesn't mean we live in a cold what's-the-point world. Quite the opposite-it's a world of constant magic. Unbelievable and unexpected happenings over and over in brand new forms.


So why cling to one variation or manifestation? Would you even try to cling to one sunset? Look and see it, the unpredictable change of colours that eventually moves along for sunrise to gracefully peak through. Why cling? If you could hold a single sunset forever, would you? Could you live knowing you missed the opportunity to witness a million more?


I'm not saying love something and then toss it away. Rather love those moments fully and completely, but without trying to keep it, so when the moments inevitably grow into new ones, you can allow it as painlessly as the night sky is filled with day.


...and this is Love.