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<channel><title><![CDATA[Gina Molinari: Yoga, Retreats, Coaching - Blog (Archived)]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived]]></link><description><![CDATA[Blog (Archived)]]></description><pubDate>Wed, 29 Apr 2026 02:01:59 -0400</pubDate><generator>Weebly</generator><item><title><![CDATA[Words of Affirmation (to myself, for my birthday)]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/words-of-affirmation-to-myself-for-my-birthday]]></link><comments><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/words-of-affirmation-to-myself-for-my-birthday#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Wed, 11 Dec 2019 11:20:55 GMT</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/words-of-affirmation-to-myself-for-my-birthday</guid><description><![CDATA[My Love Language (of the 5) lately has been Words of Affirmation. With such a nomadic life, words are timeless and location independent. They cost nothing and can lift heaviness we don&rsquo;t need to carry. They touch hearts (and egos) when physical connection isn&rsquo;t possible.This morning I woke up in Sri Lanka having brought in my 32nd birthday with great friends and a night of perfectly combined gin, dancing my face off, and solid sleep. But the nastiness of words in my own head started  [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="paragraph">My Love Language (of the 5) lately has been Words of Affirmation. With such a nomadic life, words are timeless and location independent. They cost nothing and can lift heaviness we don&rsquo;t need to carry. They touch hearts (and egos) when physical connection isn&rsquo;t possible.<br /><br />This morning I woke up in Sri Lanka having brought in my 32nd birthday with great friends and a night of perfectly combined gin, dancing my face off, and solid sleep. But the nastiness of words in my own head s<span>tarted tearing me down- nothing new. They told me I&rsquo;m inadequate, boring, bratty, and obviously took jabs at my physical appearance. My monologue blared out my insecurities and bashed the things I&rsquo;m proud of. Downright NASTY. </span><br /><br />So, I isolated myself for a while. Sabotaged to make reality of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Left my friends with their good intentions so I could wallow in my self-pity and lack of self-esteem.<br /><br />BUT!! This is not how I intend to move into another dance around the sun.<br /><span><span style="color:transparent">&#127874;</span></span><br />My Love Language is Words of Affirmation, so I sat down with a journal and <strong>loved up on myself until I blushed</strong>.<br />&#8203;<br />With that, for my birthday, I&rsquo;d love for you to gift me with Words of Affirmation. If you feel called to, share something meaningful, personal, and loving.&#8203;</div>  <div><div class="wsite-image wsite-image-border-none " style="padding-top:10px;padding-bottom:10px;margin-left:0;margin-right:0;text-align:center"> <a> <img src="https://www.yogigigi.com/uploads/3/2/1/6/32169353/5-love-languages_orig.jpg" alt="Picture" style="width:auto;max-width:100%" /> </a> <div style="display:block;font-size:90%"></div> </div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Sex, God, & Love]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/sex-god-love]]></link><comments><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/sex-god-love#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Thu, 05 Sep 2019 22:23:22 GMT</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/sex-god-love</guid><description><![CDATA[For the first time since my Confirmation, when I asked the priest if he really believed in God, I went to church. This summer, I had a calling to understand this God thing, a tearful yearning to feel the connection, and was answered with an invitation. While I still haven&rsquo;t accepted a Judeo-Christian faith, my travels, close friends, and studies of yoga and Hinduism have brought me closer to religion than I&rsquo;ve ever been.&nbsp;Sex is a wonderful earthly pleasure, as long as God is in  [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="paragraph"><em>For the first time since my Confirmation, when I asked the priest if he really believed in God, I went to church. This summer, I had a calling to understand this God thing, a tearful yearning to feel the connection, and was answered with an invitation. While I still haven&rsquo;t accepted a Judeo-Christian faith, my travels, close friends, and studies of yoga and Hinduism have brought me closer to religion than I&rsquo;ve ever been.</em><br />&nbsp;<br />Sex is a wonderful earthly pleasure, as long as God is in it.<br /><br />So what is God? What if I don&rsquo;t believe in "God"?<br />Well, if I say God is Love, does that help?<br />Sure, but what is Love?<br /><br /><font size="4" color="#5040ae"><strong>God</strong></font><br />In my view, God is a completely interchangeable word for what I call <strong>Oneness</strong>, the <strong>Universe</strong>, <strong>Divinity</strong>. It is the <strong>Great Consciousness</strong> that IS. It resides within us and connects us all, eliminating any separation our earthly bodies lend us to. God is the big picture that we have ultimate trust in, the reason we have faith in what we cannot prove. The energy of Grace that guides us through life without grasping for every answer and explanation. It is hope and the foundation and home for our beliefs. The warm hug during struggle or suffering, but also the celebration of joy. God is <strong>persistent </strong>but <strong>patient</strong>, <strong>forgiving </strong>and <strong>certain</strong>. This is the light at the end of the tunnel, the path along the way, and <strong>the Source</strong> all at once.<br /><br /><font size="4" color="#5040ae"><strong>Love</strong></font><br />Love is our <strong>Oneness</strong>, and acknowledgement of our <strong>connection</strong>, and lack of separateness. &nbsp;It is the innate <strong>consciousness</strong> that witnesses and experiences the Other as part of the Self. The part that sees you as no different than me. Love is the big picture outside of this collection of moment. A source of trust, faith, and <strong>Grace</strong>. It is forgiveness, acceptance, and patience with stern compassion. It is flexible but <strong>absolute </strong>and unconditional. At the core, it is a truth we fully believe in as all powerful even without proof. It feels like a warm hug, firm foundation, and <strong>Home</strong>. Love is <strong>the light we seek and follow, the path to get there and the Source all at once</strong>.<br /><br /><strong>God is Love is God is Love.</strong><br />Inseparable.<br /><br /><font size="4" color="#5040ae"><strong>Sex</strong></font><br />So, <em>if </em>we can successfully practice sex with God/Love in it, can we agree that sex - practicing Love - is an act of worship towards the Divine? Because the Divine/Oneness/God exists in and connects all things. It is <strong>bringing Love to the surface</strong>, to a place where we can <strong>touch and interact with God</strong>. Sex is the act of worshipping that divinity in such a fullness of body, mind, and spirit that there is <strong>no separation of Self from the Divine</strong>. I honor this in you, and acknowledge the same in me. In feeding and nourishing my joy and pleasure, I share and celebrate God/Love. Cyclically. Reciprocally. Sex is our shared understanding of and celebration of our connection in this human form, a chance to touch God through diving into our humanly divine avatar of that bliss and perfection we call God, as though it were ever outside of us. But Sex must be approached as we approach God or Love &ndash; <strong>without grasping</strong>, <strong>with trust,</strong> belief, Grace, forgiveness, gentleness, and <strong>utmost respect</strong>. Arriving fully present and knowing that every moment that ever was, is, and will be is inside this single act of worship we call sex. <strong>Let it not be a destination, but a journey through the Source back to ourselves</strong>. Take the pressure off the sacred. Allow it to be light, giving, a strong foundation, a trustworthy support, and <strong>celebration of our ability to celebrate</strong>.<br /><br />Let sex be making Love, touching God, and coming home to our divine selves.<br />&nbsp;</div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Big, Bigger]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/big-bigger]]></link><comments><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/big-bigger#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Sun, 30 Jun 2019 23:06:12 GMT</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/big-bigger</guid><description><![CDATA[ (Trigger Warning: I am still very much recovering from body image issues and disordered eating. My language is not perfect. The thoughts I express are not entirely sensitive. It's still difficult for me to love myself unconditionally. This was really hard to write and took an inordinate amount of time, but I hope you get the idea.)I admire the fuck out of this girl.She had been holding pieces of a broken heart for years, and just started loosening her grasp. She took the risk of seeing the worl [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<span class='imgPusher' style='float:left;height:85px'></span><span style='display: table;width:auto;position:relative;float:left;max-width:100%;;clear:left;margin-top:20px;*margin-top:40px'><a><img src="https://www.yogigigi.com/uploads/3/2/1/6/32169353/published/phra-nang-cave-2016.jpg?1561939494" style="margin-top: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; border-width:0; max-width:100%" alt="Picture" class="galleryImageBorder wsite-image" /></a><span style="display: table-caption; caption-side: bottom; font-size: 90%; margin-top: -10px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;" class="wsite-caption"></span></span> <div class="paragraph" style="display:block;">(Trigger Warning: I am still very much recovering from body image issues and disordered eating. My language is not perfect. The thoughts I express are not entirely sensitive. It's still difficult for me to love myself unconditionally. This was really hard to write and took an inordinate amount of time, but I hope you get the idea.)<br /><br /><font size="3"><strong>I admire the fuck out of this girl.</strong><br /><br />She had been holding pieces of a broken heart for years, and just started loosening her grasp. She took the risk of seeing the world in a way everyone else said was irresponsible. She had navigated airports, buses, and longtail boats that dropped her in the shallows of a bay at low tide with her backpack. She'd just come from a life changing month in Sri Lanka after being robbed in India. She was questioning her purpose and thirsting to discover what else life had in store for her.<br /><br />Obviously, that girl was, and always will be, a version of me. Yet when I look back on this series of photos as some of my favorites of all time, I have to admit I constantly struggle with seeing this version of me. Since then, I've expanded in more ways than one.<br /><br />It was the day before my 28th birthday and I was at least 15lbs lighter. Body image issues die really hard, ya'll. I'm as threatened by this girl as I am by every other girl in her 20s as I compare our bodies. I wish I could stand here and say that I know it doesn't matter what I look like, but that would be dishonest.<br /><br />However, when it comes down to it, I admire this current version of myself even more when I can look at where I came from. I am a woman now, living in a woman's body that comes complete with curves, stretch marks, and a fair share of aches and limitations. I am the product of the expansion and growth I'd been setting myself up for. I'm confident now in ways that have nothing to do with my body.<br /><br />I've expanded my inquiry of "what is Love?" to actually include allowing love into my world. I've learned to make home wherever I land and thrive with what I've got. I've learned to lead by example and inspire by living my own truth. I've worn sexy clothing not because I need validation, but because it feels awesome to be adorn my shape. I've proven that living a life I love isn't fatally irresponsible.<br /><br />You know what? Even in my bigger presence, no one comments on my bigger size.<br /><br />I am everything I was and so, so much more.</font></div> <hr style="width:100%;clear:both;visibility:hidden;"></hr>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Celebrate or Reallocate - the GiMari Method of Mindful Living]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/celebrate-or-reallocate-the-gimari-method-of-mindful-living]]></link><comments><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/celebrate-or-reallocate-the-gimari-method-of-mindful-living#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Tue, 25 Jun 2019 19:00:08 GMT</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/celebrate-or-reallocate-the-gimari-method-of-mindful-living</guid><description><![CDATA[Last night, my mom and I watched an episode of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo, a show based on the KonMari method of organizing and cleaning. It reminded us that the ways we keep our home organized and full of joy are essentially the same ways we bring these things elements into our lives. Take a step back from your life to assess the areas that have become cluttered or they&rsquo;ve become so full, you&rsquo;ve lost track of what&rsquo;s in it. Are there relationships that take a lot of time and e [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="paragraph"><font size="3" color="#000000">Last night, my mom and I watched an episode of <a href="https://konmari.com/pages/netflix" target="_blank">Tidying Up With Marie Kondo</a>, a show based on the <a href="https://konmari.com/pages/about" target="_blank">KonMari</a> method of organizing and cleaning. It reminded us that the ways we keep our home <strong>organized and full of joy</strong> are essentially the same ways we bring these things elements into our lives. </font><br /><br /><span></span><font size="3" color="#000000">Take a step back from your life to assess the areas that have become cluttered or they&rsquo;ve become so full, you&rsquo;ve <strong>lost track of what&rsquo;s in it</strong>. Are there <strong>relationships </strong>that take a lot of time and energy, but no longer bring you joy? Are there <strong>routines </strong>that you continue with only out of habit rather than necessity or choice? Are there old <strong>hobbies </strong>taking away from new passions you haven&rsquo;t had the time to pursue?</font><br /><br /><span></span><font size="3" color="#000000">It&rsquo;s not until we take the time to assess and organize our lives that we can recognize these areas that have become cluttered. What&rsquo;s worse, is that sometimes those cluttered spaces in our lives contain <strong>things we really value</strong>, things that bring us a lot of joy, but that we haven&rsquo;t experienced them in so long, we&rsquo;ve forgotten about them.</font><br /><br /><span></span><font size="3" color="#000000">If you could press pause on your day-to-day and evaluate your relationships, hobbies, habits, ways you spend your free time, etc, I bet you&rsquo;d <strong>rediscover </strong>some valuable things you forgot about. Give yourself the opportunity to hold it in front of you and ask, &ldquo;Does this serve and bring joy to the life I want to be living?&rdquo; or has it stuck around simply because you just never got rid of it.</font><br /><br /><span></span><font size="3" color="#000000">I&rsquo;ll propose the <em>GiMari </em>method of organizing and cleaning your life:</font><br /><br /><span></span><font size="3" color="#000000">Area by area, evaluate the elements of your life in their totality. <br /><br />Look at <strong>relationships </strong>(friends, family, coworkers, counselors) and ask if these people are supporting the version of You that you want to grow into. If they are, <strong>celebrate </strong>and spend more time with them. If they aren&rsquo;t, allow yourself to mourn the loss and <strong>reallocate </strong>your energy. </font><br /><br /><span></span><font size="3" color="#000000">Pay attention to your daily <strong>routines </strong>and <strong>habits</strong>. From the time you wake up to the time you go to bed, what items do you use? When do you check social media? What times do you eat? Are you watching TV or playing on the computer? Do you read? Are you studying? If you had to make a conscious choice to do each of these things, would you say yes, or are you doing it because it&rsquo;s habit? The actions should be bringing you joy or be crucial to fulfilling your obligations. Habits are the things we do over and over, and the things we do determine who we are. <strong>Act according to who you want to be</strong>.</font><br /><br /><span></span><font size="3" color="#000000">Notice the way you eat and the <strong>foods </strong>you choose. Do you sit down for meals or are you eating on the go? Is your food freshly prepared or out of plastic? Does it make you feel energized, healthy, and happy? Review the things you are putting into your body and make sure that what you have in your house is <strong>supporting your health</strong> so you can function at your best every single day.</font><br /><br /><span></span><font size="3" color="#000000">You get it, right? The things in your life need to set you up for your success and happiness. Reorganize your day-to-day to be joyful, functional, and supportive.<br /><br />Whether it's time, people, or things - <strong>Celebrate or reallocate</strong>!</font><br /><br /><span></span><font size="3" color="#000000">I&rsquo;ll have to talk to Marie Kondo to collaborate with her on this one&hellip;</font><br /><br /><span></span></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[You are not confused]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/you-are-not-confused]]></link><comments><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/you-are-not-confused#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Sun, 09 Jun 2019 11:49:00 GMT</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/you-are-not-confused</guid><description><![CDATA[Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I'm confused. I just don't know what to do" when you in fact know exactly what you want to do?Often it's not clarity that we are seeking, but rather commitment. We are trying to find the place in our hearts and minds that feels settled when we fully take action in one direction. The "confusion" is the byproduct of our soul wanting to move forward when we keep yanking it back to agitated stillness.We tell ourselves stories about how we are unsure, but what w [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="paragraph">Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I'm confused. I just don't know what to do" when <strong>you in fact know exactly</strong> what you want to do?<br /><br />Often <strong>it's not clarity that we are seeking</strong>, but rather <strong>commitment</strong>. We are trying to find the place in our hearts and minds that feels settled when we fully take action in one direction. The "confusion" is the byproduct of our soul wanting to move forward when we keep yanking it back to agitated stillness.<br /><br />We tell ourselves stories about how we are unsure, but what we really feel is more like fear. <br /><br />You are already clear. It's been inside you since the first moment that you felt the excitement of butterflies in your stomach and the jumping of your heart. Now it's time to commit and take action towards the path you have been shying away from. Trust that <strong>you know what you want</strong>, then go get it!<br /><br />(This is an example of a Love Note. Want to read something like this once a week? Sign up to receive <a href="https://www.yogigigi.com/lovenotes.html" target="_blank">Love Notes</a> in your e-mail and you can cancel anytime if you get sick of my perspective, inspiration, or tips.)<br /></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[What Surfing Taught Me: Episode 1]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/what-surfing-taught-me-episode-1]]></link><comments><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/what-surfing-taught-me-episode-1#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Thu, 20 Dec 2018 15:59:05 GMT</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/what-surfing-taught-me-episode-1</guid><description><![CDATA[Caught at Sea in Jungle Beach   Surfing is a bit of a self-induced exposure therapy for me. The power of the ocean terrifies me, so I put myself in it just to prove that I won't die.This morning, paddling back to shore from Jungle Beach's ocean break was an emotional experience. I was proud of myself for sitting so far out, watching a big, glassy left and right break on either side of me. The fact that I didn't even attempt to paddle into a wave was not a problem. I'd been hanging out in the dee [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 class="wsite-content-title">Caught at Sea in Jungle Beach<br /></h2>  <span class='imgPusher' style='float:left;height:363px'></span><span style='display: table;width:auto;position:relative;float:left;max-width:100%;;clear:left;margin-top:20px;*margin-top:40px'><a><img src="https://www.yogigigi.com/uploads/3/2/1/6/32169353/editor/sion-flower.jpg?1545325448" style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; border-width:1px;padding:3px; max-width:100%" alt="Picture" class="galleryImageBorder wsite-image" /></a><span style="display: table-caption; caption-side: bottom; font-size: 90%; margin-top: -10px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;" class="wsite-caption"></span></span> <div class="paragraph" style="display:block;">Surfing is a bit of a self-induced <strong>exposure therapy</strong> for me. The power of the ocean terrifies me, so I put myself in it just to prove that I won't die.<br /><br />This morning, paddling back to shore from Jungle Beach's ocean break was an emotional experience. I was proud of myself for sitting so far out, watching a big, glassy left and right break on either side of me. The fact that I didn't even attempt to paddle into a wave was not a problem. I'd been <strong>hanging out in the deep water</strong> where the face of a wave would come barreling in from the sea and then melt down just before it reached me. My attempts to sit on the board without it flipping out from underneath me were laughable.<br /><br />Despite being constantly reminded that I need to sit up on the board and face the waves to <strong>see what's coming</strong>, I wasn't doing it. It seemed fine. Then a big set came, one that broke across the whole face of the wave instead of fizzling out, and <strong>I wasn't ready</strong>, not that I ever really say I am. I was a bit too far left to avoid it and too caught off guard to catch it, so it pummeled me. I gave in, one hand holding my nose (because I can't hold my breath) covering my head like I'd been taught. The second wave was coming fast, so I pulled the board closer to avoid smashing into the fins as I accepted the next blow. By the third wave, I had it pretty figured out and dove into the whitewall.<br /><br />Surviving was enough. Every wave that doesn't kill me proves that I'm not going to be instantaneously murdered by the ocean. In fact, I wasn't even phased by being unable to sit up on the board without toppling over, not catching a single wave, or the knowledge of the terrifying vastness of the blue world I was hovering over. <strong>Getting back to shore was the real tes</strong>t.<br /><br />I paddled and paddled and paddled and paddled... and got nowhere. Just to my left I could see the ticket in. She was a long, fast, but gentle ride toward the shore where I could paddle along the current instead of perpetually being pushed back into it. But I saw the massive rock face that I'd realistically never hit, and I turned away from the wave. I saw the frothy whitewater seething with power, and I turned further from its helpful push.<br /><br />My arms were utterly <strong>exhausted</strong>, more flailing than paddling. My friend in the water could paddle toward me and then 10 meters ahead in the time it took for me to gain 1 meter. My hands were cupped, chest lifted, forearms pushing water, but I couldn't get any closer to the beach. The board wobbled and I spent my energy<strong> trying not to fall off</strong> the board as I <strong>willed it forward</strong>, all the while checking over my shoulder for another surprise wave. Salvation and the sweetness of a long, deep breath felt days away. Desperately looking to the shore, I felt the breakdown coming on and wondered how long I'd survive if I gave up and let the current pull me out to sea. I'd live there.<br /><br />It took forever and I'd completely exhausted my courage, determination, patience, and arms by the time I finally collapsed onto the sand. I can't express how long it took - probably nearly 20 minutes - but it felt like a hopeless eternity. <strong>Stuck, out of control, trapped</strong> - all my worst enemies.<br /><br />Anyway, there's a lesson in this, obviously. I thought it would be about learning how to gracefully fall, face fears, adjust...but it was harder. More challenging because I <strong>didn't expect it</strong>. This time it was actually a new, difficult, unanticipated challenge. In fact, I haven't quite sussed it out entirely - the lesson is still percolating.<br /><br /><strong>Real growth doesn't necessarily happen on our own terms</strong>. Like being robbed, raped, or ill, we are at the mercy of the Universe's greater plan. In the moment, we are struggling to survive - and we must - but the process of that struggle and our Soul's determination to continue is where the expansion happens. The pain of the comfortable edges being stretched. Muscles tearing in order to be rebuilt bigger and stronger. Truth is, there will be pain, or at least discomfort. Struggle, confusion, denial, and even a moment where you give up and resign yourself to being permanently lost at sea.<br /><br />You must persevere. You must trust this process. You must breathe - even if you first cry, scream, panic and shut down before you muster enough faith to release a deep exhalation. Your inhalation will come. Your torn muscles, broken heart, and crumbled walls will rebuild and heal. The path to your growth is not yours to choose, but you can direct how you react to it.<br /><br />Keep paddling, G. You aren't destined to die at sea.</div> <hr style="width:100%;clear:both;visibility:hidden;"></hr>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Hard Water: A short story about falling]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/hard-water-a-short-story-about-falling]]></link><comments><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/hard-water-a-short-story-about-falling#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Mon, 29 Oct 2018 09:53:26 GMT</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/hard-water-a-short-story-about-falling</guid><description><![CDATA[Have you ever started something - a BIG, scary thing that took a lot of courage to begin - and then midway through, you panic and self-sabotage to make your fears come true?Let me give you an oddly specific, but rather comical example (we need to keep Mondays light-hearted!)There's this abandoned harbor near Twin Fin Surf Camp where you can jump off the wall and into deep, clear water. I'm a fire sign, through and through, so getting into water has never felt natural to me. It takes courage for  [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="paragraph">Have you ever started something - a BIG, scary thing that took a lot of courage to begin - and then midway through, you panic and self-sabotage to make your fears come true?<br /><br />Let me give you an oddly specific, but rather comical example (we need to keep Mondays light-hearted!)<br /><br />There's this abandoned harbor near Twin Fin Surf Camp where you can jump off the wall and into deep, clear water. I'm a fire sign, through and through, so getting into water has never felt natural to me. It takes courage for me to cross a river, let alone jump into the ocean from 6 meters up.<br /><br />Determined to jump, I climbed over the ledge and attempted to steady my nervous legs as friends looked up from below and encouraged me. "You'll be fine! Just jump out!".<br /><br />Right.<br /><br />Mustering all the courage I had, I <strong>let go</strong> and let this big thing happen.<br /><br />Here's the sabotage piece.<br /><br />I'd already done the hard work, the brave part. I'd already allowed myself permission to act boldly. I'd already committed and set the course in motion. Truly, there was only one outcome - land in the water - and all I had to do was not fight my way there.<br /><br />I wish I could report that I<strong> learned to levitate</strong>, but I didn't. Somewhere between my release and the water, I panicked and started running in the air. Flailing my legs and left arm (my right hand was holding my nose), some irrational part of my brain tried to control the simple act of falling into gravity.<br /><br />"Are you alright?" When I resurfaced to see the shock on my friends' faces, I knew I'd done it wrong. Then I felt the stinging pain on the back of my right leg and my left shin. Instead of landing feet first like a dagger piercing the ocean, I'd configured myself into an awful, floppy shape and hit the water hard. My moment of panic and fighting had sabotaged the letting go <strong>I had committed to</strong>.<br />&nbsp;<br />I&rsquo;m fine. There&rsquo;s a 9-inch bruise on the back of my leg, but I&rsquo;m fine. Even trying to defy gravity and sabotaging a simple jump didn&rsquo;t destroy me. Plus, there&rsquo;s a hilarious video of my clumsy mishap.<br />&nbsp;<br />There are many lessons here, but today I invite you to be curious about what big leaps of faith you&rsquo;ve taken in your life. Where have you acted boldly and with courage to move towards something that <strong>could be natural</strong> if you let it?<br />&nbsp;<br />Can you predict where you may sabotage the good things that are happening? Can you identify the places where fear may call for you to reach out towards the edges and fight against the course you&rsquo;ve set in motion?<br />&nbsp;<br />Can you stay true to your course, try not to panic, and allow yourself to land gracefully at your destination?<br /></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Song of the Open Road]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/song-of-the-open-road]]></link><comments><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/song-of-the-open-road#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Mon, 08 Oct 2018 02:06:50 GMT</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/song-of-the-open-road</guid><description><![CDATA[My senior year of high school, I printed out the poem Song of the Open Road by Walt Whitman. At that point of my life I was both making plans for my suicide and creating dreams of traveling the world. I&rsquo;ve always had commitment issues, fortunately. That poem held hope within its lines, words that painted a meaningful existence I couldn&rsquo;t resist falling in love with.After college, I started working a 9-5 office job and still had the printed poem. Day by day, I felt my soul being sucke [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="paragraph">My senior year of high school, I printed out the poem Song of the Open Road by Walt Whitman. At that point of my life I was both making plans for my suicide and creating dreams of traveling the world. I&rsquo;ve always had commitment issues, fortunately. That poem held hope within its lines, words that painted a meaningful existence I couldn&rsquo;t resist falling in love with.<br /><br />After college, I started working a 9-5 office job and still had the printed poem. Day by day, I felt my soul being sucked away through the computer screen or screams on the other end of the telephone line. I imagined the triumphant day I would leave, walking away from security, the status quo, and the way things were. On that day, I told myself, I would post on my Facebook the first lines of that poem that served as a beacon of hope for all those years:<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Afoot and light-hearted, I take to the open road,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Healthy, free, the world before me,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The long brown path before me, leading wherever I chose.<br /><br />The same copy of the poem came with me when I finally quit my job and traveled for 5 months.<br /><br />Each time I leave to travel, I read Song of the Open Road again, new lines jumping off the page to guide me. Because every journey off the beaten path brings a new lesson, a new challenge, a new perspective. What excites me most about my travels are the things I&rsquo;m not expecting, aside from knowing that I will be surprised by the twists and gifts of Grace as I walk this open road.<br /><br />I&rsquo;d like to share with you the entirety of Walt Whitman&rsquo;s ode to the traveler, so that you may be sung to by the message that your heart most needs to hear.<br /><br /><a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48859/song-of-the-open-road" target="_blank">Song of the Open Road</a></div>  <div>  <!--BLOG_SUMMARY_END--></div>  <div class="paragraph"><strong>1</strong><br /> Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,<br /> Healthy, free, the world before me,<br /> The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,<br /> Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,<br /> Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,<br /> Strong and content I travel the open road.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> The earth, that is sufficient,<br /> I do not want the constellations any nearer,<br /> I know they are very well where they are,<br /> I know they suffice for those who belong to them.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> (Still here I carry my old delicious burdens,<br /> I carry them, men and women, I carry them with me wherever I go,<br /> I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them,<br /> I am fill&rsquo;d with them, and I will fill them in return.)<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>2</strong><br /> You road I enter upon and look around, I believe you are not all that is here,<br /> I believe that much unseen is also here.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Here the profound lesson of reception, nor preference nor denial,<br /> The black with his woolly head, the felon, the diseas&rsquo;d, the illiterate person, are not denied;<br /> The birth, the hasting after the physician, the beggar&rsquo;s tramp, the drunkard&rsquo;s stagger, the laughing party of mechanics,<br /> The escaped youth, the rich person&rsquo;s carriage, the fop, the eloping couple,<br /> &nbsp;<br /> town,<br /> They pass, I also pass, any thing passes, none can be interdicted,<br /> None but are accepted, none but shall be dear to me.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>3</strong><br /> You air that serves me with breath to speak!<br /> You objects that call from diffusion my meanings and give them shape!<br /> You light that wraps me and all things in delicate equable showers!<br /> You paths worn in the irregular hollows by the roadsides!<br /> I believe you are latent with unseen existences, you are so dear to me.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> You flagg&rsquo;d walks of the cities! you strong curbs at the edges!<br /> You ferries! you planks and posts of wharves! you timber-lined sides! you distant ships!<br /> &nbsp;<br /> You rows of houses! you window-pierc&rsquo;d fa&ccedil;ades! you roofs!<br /> You porches and entrances! you copings and iron guards!<br /> You windows whose transparent shells might expose so much!<br /> You doors and ascending steps! you arches!<br /> You gray stones of interminable pavements! you trodden crossings!<br /> From all that has touch&rsquo;d you I believe you have imparted to yourselves, and now would impart the same secretly to me,<br /> From the living and the dead you have peopled your impassive surfaces, and the spirits thereof would be evident and amicable with me.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>4</strong><br /> The earth expanding right hand and left hand,<br /> The picture alive, every part in its best light,<br /> The music falling in where it is wanted, and stopping where it is not wanted,<br /> The cheerful voice of the public road, the gay fresh sentiment of the road.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> O highway I travel, do you say to me Do not leave me?<br /> Do you say Venture not&mdash;if you leave me you are lost?<br /> Do you say I am already prepared, I am well-beaten and undenied, adhere to me?<br /> &nbsp;<br /> O public road, I say back I am not afraid to leave you, yet I love you,<br /> You express me better than I can express myself,<br /> You shall be more to me than my poem.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> I think heroic deeds were all conceiv&rsquo;d in the open air, and all free poems also,<br /> I think I could stop here myself and do miracles,<br /> I think whatever I shall meet on the road I shall like, and whoever beholds me shall like me,<br /> I think whoever I see must be happy.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>5</strong><br /> From this hour I ordain myself loos&rsquo;d of limits and imaginary lines,<br /> Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,<br /> Listening to others, considering well what they say,<br /> Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,<br /> Gently,but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.<br /> I inhale great draughts of space,<br /> The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> I am larger, better than I thought,<br /> I did not know I held so much goodness.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> All seems beautiful to me,<br /> I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,<br /> I will recruit for myself and you as I go,<br /> I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,<br /> I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,<br /> Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,<br /> Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>6</strong><br /> Now if a thousand perfect men were to appear it would not amaze me,<br /> Now if a thousand beautiful forms of women appear&rsquo;d it would not astonish me.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons,<br /> It is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Here a great personal deed has room,<br /> (Such a deed seizes upon the hearts of the whole race of men,<br /> Its effusion of strength and will overwhelms law and mocks all authority and all argument against it.)<br /> Here is the test of wisdom,<br /> Wisdom is not finally tested in schools,<br /> Wisdom cannot be pass&rsquo;d from one having it to another not having it,<br /> Wisdom is of the soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof,<br /> Applies to all stages and objects and qualities and is content,<br /> Is the certainty of the reality and immortality of things, and the excellence of things;<br /> Something there is in the float of the sight of things that provokes it out of the soul.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Now I re-examine philosophies and religions,<br /> They may prove well in lecture-rooms, yet not prove at all under the spacious clouds and along the landscape and flowing currents.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Here is realization,<br /> Here is a man tallied&mdash;he realizes here what he has in him,<br /> The past, the future, majesty, love&mdash;if they are vacant of you, you are vacant of them.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Only the kernel of every object nourishes;<br /> Where is he who tears off the husks for you and me?<br /> Where is he that undoes stratagems and envelopes for you and me?<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Here is adhesiveness, it is not previously fashion&rsquo;d, it is apropos;<br /> Do you know what it is as you pass to be loved by strangers?<br /> Do you know the talk of those turning eye-balls?<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>7</strong><br /> Here is the efflux of the soul,<br /> The efflux of the soul comes from within through embower&rsquo;d gates, ever provoking questions,<br /> These yearnings why are they? these thoughts in the darkness why are they?<br /> Why are there men and women that while they are nigh me the sunlight expands my blood?<br /> Why when they leave me do my pennants of joy sink flat and lank?<br /> Why are there trees I never walk under but large and melodious thoughts descend upon me?<br /> (I think they hang there winter and summer on those trees and always drop fruit as I pass;)<br /> What is it I interchange so suddenly with strangers?<br /> What with some driver as I ride on the seat by his side?<br /> What with some fisherman drawing his seine by the shore as I walk by and pause?<br /> What gives me to be free to a woman&rsquo;s and man&rsquo;s good-will? what gives them to be free to mine?<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>8</strong><br /> The efflux of the soul is happiness, here is happiness,<br /> I think it pervades the open air, waiting at all times,<br /> Now it flows unto us, we are rightly charged.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Here rises the fluid and attaching character,<br /> The fluid and attaching character is the freshness and sweetness of man and woman,<br /> (The herbs of the morning sprout no fresher and sweeter every day out of the roots of themselves, than it sprouts fresh and sweet continually out of itself.)<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Toward the fluid and attaching character exudes the sweat of the love of young and old,<br /> From it falls distill&rsquo;d the charm that mocks beauty and attainments,<br /> Toward it heaves the shuddering longing ache of contact.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>9</strong><br /> Allons! whoever you are come travel with me!<br /> Traveling with me you find what never tires.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> The earth never tires,<br /> The earth is rude, silent, incomprehensible at first, Nature is rude and incomprehensible at first,<br /> Be not discouraged, keep on, there are divine things well envelop&rsquo;d,<br /> I swear to you there are divine things more beautiful than words can tell.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Allons! we must not stop here,<br /> However sweet these laid-up stores, however convenient this dwelling we cannot remain here,<br /> However shelter&rsquo;d this port and however calm these waters we must not anchor here,<br /> However welcome the hospitality that surrounds us we are permitted to receive it but a little while.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>10</strong><br /> Allons! the inducements shall be greater,<br /> We will sail pathless and wild seas,<br /> We will go where winds blow, waves dash, and the Yankee clipper speeds by under full sail.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Allons! with power, liberty, the earth, the elements,<br /> Health, defiance, gayety, self-esteem, curiosity;<br /> Allons! from all formules!<br /> From your formules, O bat-eyed and materialistic priests.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> The stale cadaver blocks up the passage&mdash;the burial waits no longer.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Allons! yet take warning!<br /> He traveling with me needs the best blood, thews, endurance,<br /> None may come to the trial till he or she bring courage and health,<br /> Come not here if you have already spent the best of yourself,<br /> Only those may come who come in sweet and determin&rsquo;d bodies,<br /> No diseas&rsquo;d person, no rum-drinker or venereal taint is permitted here.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> (I and mine do not convince by arguments, similes, rhymes,<br /> We convince by our presence.)<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>11</strong><br /> Listen! I will be honest with you,<br /> I do not offer the old smooth prizes, but offer rough new prizes,<br /> These are the days that must happen to you:<br /> You shall not heap up what is call&rsquo;d riches,<br /> You shall scatter with lavish hand all that you earn or achieve,<br /> You but arrive at the city to which you were destin&rsquo;d, you hardly settle yourself to satisfaction before you are call&rsquo;d by an irresistible call to depart,<br /> You shall be treated to the ironical smiles and mockings of those who remain behind you,<br /> What beckonings of love you receive you shall only answer with passionate kisses of parting,<br /> You shall not allow the hold of those who spread their reach&rsquo;d hands toward you.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>12</strong><br /> Allons! after the great Companions, and to belong to them!<br /> They too are on the road&mdash;they are the swift and majestic men&mdash;they are the greatest women,<br /> Enjoyers of calms of seas and storms of seas,<br /> Sailors of many a ship, walkers of many a mile of land,<br /> Habitu&egrave;s of many distant countries, habitu&egrave;s of far-distant dwellings,<br /> Trusters of men and women, observers of cities, solitary toilers,<br /> Pausers and contemplators of tufts, blossoms, shells of the shore,<br /> Dancers at wedding-dances, kissers of brides, tender helpers of children, bearers of children,<br /> Soldiers of revolts, standers by gaping graves, lowerers-down of coffins,<br /> Journeyers over consecutive seasons, over the years, the curious years each emerging from that which preceded it,<br /> Journeyers as with companions, namely their own diverse phases,<br /> Forth-steppers from the latent unrealized baby-days,<br /> Journeyers gayly with their own youth, journeyers with their bearded and well-grain&rsquo;d manhood,<br /> Journeyers with their womanhood, ample, unsurpass&rsquo;d, content,<br /> Journeyers with their own sublime old age of manhood or womanhood,<br /> Old age, calm, expanded, broad with the haughty breadth of the universe,<br /> Old age, flowing free with the delicious near-by freedom of death.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>13</strong><br /> Allons! to that which is endless as it was beginningless,<br /> To undergo much, tramps of days, rests of nights,<br /> To merge all in the travel they tend to, and the days and nights they tend to,<br /> Again to merge them in the start of superior journeys,<br /> To see nothing anywhere but what you may reach it and pass it,<br /> To conceive no time, however distant, but what you may reach it and pass it,<br /> To look up or down no road but it stretches and waits for you, however long but it stretches and waits for you,<br /> To see no being, not God&rsquo;s or any, but you also go thither,<br /> To see no possession but you may possess it, enjoying all without labor or purchase, abstracting the feast yet not abstracting one particle of it,<br /> To take the best of the farmer&rsquo;s farm and the rich man&rsquo;s elegant villa, and the chaste blessings of the well-married couple, and the fruits of orchards and flowers of gardens,<br /> To take to your use out of the compact cities as you pass through,<br /> To carry buildings and streets with you afterward wherever you go,<br /> To gather the minds of men out of their brains as you encounter them, to gather the love out of their hearts,<br /> To take your lovers on the road with you, for all that you leave them behind you,<br /> To know the universe itself as a road, as many roads, as roads for traveling souls.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> All parts away for the progress of souls,<br /> All religion, all solid things, arts, governments&mdash;all that was or is apparent upon this globe or any globe, falls into niches and corners before the procession of souls along the grand roads of the universe.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Of the progress of the souls of men and women along the grand roads of the universe, all other progress is the needed emblem and sustenance.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Forever alive, forever forward,<br /> Stately, solemn, sad, withdrawn, baffled, mad, turbulent, feeble, dissatisfied,<br /> Desperate, proud, fond, sick, accepted by men, rejected by men,<br /> They go! they go! I know that they go, but I know not where they go,<br /> But I know that they go toward the best&mdash;toward something great.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Whoever you are, come forth! or man or woman come forth!<br /> You must not stay sleeping and dallying there in the house, though you built it, or though it has been built for you.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Out of the dark confinement! out from behind the screen!<br /> It is useless to protest, I know all and expose it.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Behold through you as bad as the rest,<br /> Through the laughter, dancing, dining, supping, of people,<br /> Inside of dresses and ornaments, inside of those wash&rsquo;d and trimm&rsquo;d faces,<br /> Behold a secret silent loathing and despair.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> No husband, no wife, no friend, trusted to hear the confession,<br /> Another self, a duplicate of every one, skulking and hiding it goes,<br /> Formless and wordless through the streets of the cities, polite and bland in the parlors,<br /> In the cars of railroads, in steamboats, in the public assembly,<br /> Home to the houses of men and women, at the table, in the bedroom, everywhere,<br /> Smartly attired, countenance smiling, form upright, death under the breast-bones, hell under the skull-bones,<br /> Under the broadcloth and gloves, under the ribbons and artificial flowers,<br /> Keeping fair with the customs, speaking not a syllable of itself,<br /> Speaking of any thing else but never of itself.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>14</strong><br /> Allons! through struggles and wars!<br /> The goal that was named cannot be countermanded.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Have the past struggles succeeded?<br /> What has succeeded? yourself? your nation? Nature?<br /> Now understand me well&mdash;it is provided in the essence of things that from any fruition of success, no matter what, shall come forth something to make a greater struggle necessary.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> My call is the call of battle, I nourish active rebellion,<br /> He going with me must go well arm&rsquo;d,<br /> He going with me goes often with spare diet, poverty, angry enemies, desertions.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> <strong>15</strong><br /> Allons! the road is before us!<br /> It is safe&mdash;I have tried it&mdash;my own feet have tried it well&mdash;be not detain&rsquo;d!<br /> Let the paper remain on the desk unwritten, and the book on the shelf unopen&rsquo;d!<br /> Let the tools remain in the workshop! let the money remain unearn&rsquo;d!<br /> Let the school stand! mind not the cry of the teacher!<br /> Let the preacher preach in his pulpit! let the lawyer plead in the court, and the judge expound the law.<br /> &nbsp;<br /> Camerado, I give you my hand!<br /> I give you my love more precious than money,<br /> I give you myself before preaching or law;<br /> Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?<br /> Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?<br /> &nbsp;<br /> &nbsp;<br /> &nbsp;<br /> &nbsp;</div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[I Don't Want To Forget]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/i-dont-want-to-forget]]></link><comments><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/i-dont-want-to-forget#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Thu, 27 Sep 2018 14:40:33 GMT</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/i-dont-want-to-forget</guid><description><![CDATA[Over a year ago I wrote a note in my phone called "I Don't Want to Forget". It had one liners from various small details of the epic five month adventure Orion and I had taken."I don't want to forget the moments on the side of Salkantay wondering if I might freeze and die... the smoothie at Prasada in Cusco that I had to hold with two hands... the happy cow that drank for hours from the spout in Rishikesh... crying and huddling against a closed storefront on Diwali as kids threw fireworks in the [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="paragraph">Over a year ago I wrote a <span>note</span> in my phone called "I Don't Want to Forget". It had one liners from various <strong>small details</strong> of the epic five month adventure Orion and I had taken.<br /><br />"I don't want to forget the moments on the side of Salkantay wondering if I might freeze and die... the smoothie at Prasada in Cusco that I had to hold with two hands... the happy cow that drank for hours from the spout in Rishikesh... crying and huddling against a closed storefront on Diwali as kids threw fireworks in the street... hearing my mom's voice as I called from the US Embassy to tell her I'd been robbed... the saxophone solo at the Esplanade concert." You get the point.<br /><br />What if we did this kind of stuff more often? Could you pause at the end of each week and write down the small details, the ones that might slip away between the threads of time? These small instances hold such a richness to them. They are the moments where we truly pause - not because of some big, spectacular event - but simply to <strong>appreciate the overlooked details we take for granted</strong>.<br /><br />In this way, the small things become more special.<br /><br />My invitation today is to slow down enough to notice these small details. As summer winds down and we get swept up by airy Autumn, ground yourself in the <strong>sweetness of the present moment</strong>.<br /><br />Maybe you'll even create an I Don't Want To Forget <span>note</span> on your phone.<br /><br />PS - This is a <a href="http://www.yogigigi.com/love-notes.html" target="_blank">Love Note</a>. Can I e-mail you stuff like this weekly?<br /><br /></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[My Grapefruit]]></title><link><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/my-grapefruit]]></link><comments><![CDATA[https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/my-grapefruit#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Sat, 01 Sep 2018 00:39:24 GMT</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.yogigigi.com/blog-archived/my-grapefruit</guid><description><![CDATA[It's been a year since I met my Grapefruit.I first felt her as I was laying in the field of Valley Forge Park under the eerie dim sky of the solar eclipse. Everything had fallen silent in the confusion, the unveiling, as though a portal had been opened to our dazed eyes. The pain grew for days. Orion and I retreated to the cabin and dove behind the veil. I was lost where I couldn't hide. A wasp stung the sole of my foot as I looked at a withering mushroom, and the radiating fury of its poison wa [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="paragraph">It's been a year since I met my Grapefruit.<br /><br />I first felt her as I was laying in the field of Valley Forge Park under the eerie dim sky of the solar eclipse. Everything had fallen silent in the confusion, the unveiling, as though a portal had been opened to our dazed eyes. The pain grew for days. Orion and I retreated to the cabin and dove behind the veil. I was lost where I couldn't hide. A wasp stung the sole of my foot as I looked at a withering mushroom, and the radiating fury of its poison was a welcome reprieve from the dizzying discomfort in my stomach. My insides shook me to tears with every step I stumbled. By the time we came home, I was doubled over holding the hurt. He drove me to work and I taught a class from the floor distracted by thoughts of dying the way my Grandmother had.<br /><br />When I walked through the hospital doors, uninsured, I never expected it to cost $12,000, but it didn't matter. It was a pain I couldn't bare backed by <strong>fear </strong>that pulsed venom through my blood and sent me <strong>pleading for help and answers</strong>.<br /><br />Six hours in the ER, an MRI, and 2 ultrasounds later, I had been introduced to my Grapefruit.<br /><br />My <a href="http://www.yogigigi.com/blog/my-uterus-built-a-muscle-twice-its-size" target="_blank">uterine fibroid</a>, a benign tumor mass that grew between my uterus and ovary, had been pressing its frustrations against my diaphragm, stomach and low back. I know now that the intensity of the pain was partially exacerbated by&nbsp; GERD. I had been so <strong>ignorant to my body's messages</strong> that it needed to attack from multiple angles before I'd pay attention.<br /><br />Having an ultrasound brought me to tears. Women having babies get ultraounds, but I was there in pain getting measurements of the muscle my uterus built around itself. If had been pregnant, the fibroid would have allowed no space for a baby to grow.<br /><br />A year later and my Grapefruit is still there, still twice the size of my uterus. I used acupuncture, Chinese herbs, diet changes, DIM supplement and a whole lotta self-love to manage it and I don't feel pain anymore, but I still feel it's presence. I'm okay. We are managing well.<br /><br />A friend said to me the other day (and I'm paraphrasing immensely), "<strong>I think you love it too much. You've let it become part of you and you don't really want it to leave</strong>." He's right. My Grapefruit, she was born out of my hatred for everything that made me Woman, then she taught me how to love being a Woman. She made me aware of my gifts, my ability to create. I learned to love her and kindly say thank you. My Grapefruit would never allow space for a baby, but it was okay because I didn't want it. I didn't hate it.<br /><br />It's a tough one for me to make sense of, and I still haven't quite wrapped my head around the depth of this lesson. My Grapefruit. I love it for they way it taught me to listen, to love, to care for myself, to appreciate my natural gifts. I love it because I feel shame for having created it out of my hatred. The way I felt my community rise up to support and comfort me. I love it because it is uniquely female, and mine.<br /><br />But, as all things I love, I must be willing to let her go. Decay, shrivel, and die. A martyr, a memorial, a memory. I must be willing to let my uterus release its anti-baby muscle so I can empower myself with that decision, even if that means letting the space stay empty.<br /><br />I loved my Grapefruit for this past year, but <strong>I'm ready for her to go</strong>.<br /></div>]]></content:encoded></item></channel></rss>