Honestly, I’m pretty freaked out and terrified, and also surreally shocked by my unplanned commitment. It’s really unlike me to jump without having a fully researched background on what I’m jumping towards (not to be confused with having solid expectations of how things will turn out, which I don’t do). I’m reminded of the poem She Let Go by Rev. Safire Rose.
This is exciting. It’s even sort of fulfilling my perpetually present wanderlust, as though I’m taking a leap of faith into something new. Chills run up my spine as I consider the growth that sits patiently waiting on the other side of the challenge. That’s what it’s about after all – the quick growth that comes from diving feet first into my boundaries.
Wish me luck. The catalyst for this was realizing that my coffee habit has once again slipped into addiction behavior and I don’t feel good about it anymore. I’ve been here before and I know the struggle, but I know I can get back to the point where coffee is a treat or ritual rather than a necessity. Coffee and I will take some much needed space to reconsider and redefine our relationship, and in 21 days we can hopefully come to meet each other in a healthier way.
If you're interested in joining me for this cleanse, I’d love some accountability/misery partners.
She Let Go
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.